Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in travel, disability, dating, love and life! Hope you have a nice stay!

It's A Lot Worse Than It Looks

It's A Lot Worse Than It Looks

Dating With A Disability

Today was the first time I went on a date without the man knowing in advance that I am disabled. I’ve been disabled for 19 years, dating for 3. Since I started online dating after becoming separated, I felt it was necessary to present myself as having physical limitations so it was clear to anyone looking for a hiking or skiing companion that I would not be a good match. I’m also aware that not every man is capable of or interested in being involved with someone who is “different”.

The date today was with someone I met on Tinder which is the most superficial dating app in my opinion. My profile consists of pretty pictures of me with the following description: Victoria, 55, Writer, NYU, X miles away. Separated looking for new friends not hookups. Let’s date and see where it goes. Looking for someone who is smart, kind and fun with a sense of humor.

Unlike in my old profile on OKCupid, I don’t explain that I have a disability. I thought it was a good way to weed out anyone who wouldn’t be willing or able to deal with it. I thought showing up on dates limping carrying a cane would be unfair.

Today, I did just that. Just 2 days ago I swiped right on a handsome man in my age and geographic range. We messaged a few times before I decided I was done with Tinder for a while, removed my profile, and asked him to text me instead. He reached out quickly, we exchanged a few messages, he checked on a good time to call, called me, and we set a date for the next day to meet for coffee.

I started thinking about if it was necessary for me to make him aware that I am injured prior to meeting. I went with a what the fuck attitude and decided to just see what would happen.

I arrived at the coffee place exactly on time. There is always that awkward looking around a place for someone you’ve never met but have a picture of on your phone. I stood looking at the menu board and was getting ready to send that “I’m here” text when I looked around and noticed someone who could have been my date. We eyeballed each other with a confused look for a bit then I waved and said hello.

We shook hands and introduced ourselves. There was a slightly uncomfortable moment when he wanted to know where I would be most comfortable sitting as there were banquettes, as well as regular four legged chairs. I opted for chairs. I hung my cane on the side of the table. He asked how I liked my coffee. I sat and waited for him to return with our drinks.

We talked about the usual things. Where we’re from, what we do, kids and so on. He had tattoos and I asked him to tell me about them. It was interesting. He made a good joke and suggested we get matching tattoos. He seemed smart, kind and fun with a sense of humor.

He very casually asked, “What happened, do you have an injury?’, while glancing at my cane. My answer was “Yes, I had a stroke 19 years ago.” He wasn’t expecting that. I went on to explain that it happened when I was 35 and 6 months pregnant. And I had a 2 year old at the time. I realized as I was saying this that it was plain shocking. He asked me what caused it. It was a congenital defect in my brain that could have ruptured at anytime, or not. I explained that the left side of my body was paralyzed at first.

He was curious about whether I was able to drive. I told him that I drove there by myself. I liked him, and wanted him to understand that I can do just about everything ;) other women do. One notable exception is I am unable to run at all. I told him that I am an accomplished equestrian. He pointed out that I am still pretty.

We had an engaging conversation, more than a few laughs, a cup of coffee, he walked me to my car, there was some flirty, appropriate touching and a casual kiss.

He pointedly asked me what I thought of him and the connection. I told him I thought he was a cool guy. I was thinking I would fuck him if he was interested.

My guess is that when he saw me at first he probably thought I had some sort of temporary injury such as a sprained ankle or knee/hip replacement surgery. The fact is, I have a permanent brain injury that has caused a severe movement disorder. I’m not going to recover in 6 weeks so we can go to the beach, unfortunately.

I’m not sure how much of that he grasped by spending an hour with me in a supermarket coffee shop.

It doesn’t matter. He will either recover from the shock of my story and process it; figure out if he’s interested, write me off as undateable, or some combination. He texted me that he enjoyed meeting me. I said it was mutual and thanked him for the coffee.

When The Kids Actually Know Everything And We Don't

When The Kids Actually Know Everything And We Don't

Date Waiting

Date Waiting